That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
