so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
