she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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