This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
