the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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