Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
