I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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