Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
