He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there's paper in my vomit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
