so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
These tits shall not be calmed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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