ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
