Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize