maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
