you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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