My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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