How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
