Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
