what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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