Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
