You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
