I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
