my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
