does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
