Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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