I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
