Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
