I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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