If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
