That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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