I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
