someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
