I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
