good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
