Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
