I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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