Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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