I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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