He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
