another moral hangover. fuck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
