if you like me you must not know who I am
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
