Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
