i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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