I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
