i was born a porn star she said
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
