also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
