I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
