I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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