That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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