really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
