I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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