He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize