You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
