i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
