Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
