did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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