when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize