The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
