I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
