You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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