i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
