U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize