Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
