Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
