so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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