I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i now understand why vodka
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
