kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize