yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
