When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
