If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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