I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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