Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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