The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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