WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
